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Once upon a time, I had a wonderful & beautiful
mama until Nov.2, 1998. She was only 52. Her name was Sandra, most called her Sandy. She lived in
the mountains, of western NC. She used to be such a strong,
loving, caring, & very stubborn woman. Then, after a
devastating break-up w/my dad in Summer of '83, she
kinda went off-the-wall. She got involved w/an awful
man around '84. He was a big partier. My mama was not. At least not before him. She knew he was a Big
Drinker, but thought she could help him. Well, it had
the opposite effect. She got into things I never even
tried. Of course, as time went on, she became a
terrible alcoholic. She, finally, got away from that
guy. He had also been abusive.
She, later, got involved w/a Great Guy.
Unfortunately, alot of damage had been done, to her
health. She never, completely, gave up drinking. She
thought if she only drank beer, she "wasn't really"
drinking. Well, it doesn't work that way. She had
been in/out of the hospital, over those 12 yrs. w/the
new guy, trying to get dried out. He tried everything
he could, as did we all. But, she had to do it, not
us. She was told by doctors, time after time, that if
she didn't stop drinking, she would die. Those
warnings never seemed to be enough. She was a very
heavy smoker, as well. Always had been, since she was
a teenager.
As 1998 came, she had become so done-in w/lifes'
sufferings, that I believe she began giving up, all,
hope of ever recovering enough to live. Even her
love, me, her only child, my husband she adored, or
my daughter/step-son, her only grandchildren, weren't
enough to help bring her around. Too much damage had
been done. To make matters worse, she was diagnosed
w/Hepatitis C in June '98. This only helped explain
how she had deteriorated, so fast. But it was thought that she may have, actually, known prior to then. She hadn't, always, been forthcoming w/some of the truth. She believed that she was "trying not to worry us, so much." We left, from FL, to check on her. She was looking pretty bad. Her love had finally had enough by then. He still loved her, but could not stay to watch her kill herself. It may have seemed like a cruel thing, but she wasn't herself anymore. It was even believed she had suffered a personality split. He says he became fearful for his life when she got in "that way". Alcohol is Sooo very Bad. It's effects can be terrible. So much so, that it can cause Mental Disorder. We went back up to see her in Oct. '98. This disease was really taking it's toll. It was just awful to see my beautiful mama dying before me. She agreed to let us take her to the hospital. After a week there, we took her home. We could not continue to stay, indefinately. Especially, w/me also, having physical/mental/emotional limitations, due to MS (multiple sclerosis). So, I had to start looking for an Adult Care Center. Let me tell ya, that was an extremely difficult task/decision. She agreed to that, finally. But, only for a week or two, until she could take care of herself. No such luck. She refused to believe the seriousness of her weakness due to her health. We got her set-up there on Friday evening, Oct. 23, 1998. We went back home, to FL, the next morning. I believe she knew it would be the last time she saw me, just by the way she hugged me so tight, by her holding my face in her hands to tell me how much she loved me, & being so proud of me. The last time I spoke w/her was on Halloween Sat. evening. She sounded so excited about going trick/treating in the halls of the center. Even her supervisor was surprised at her attitude of awareness, alertness, & excitement. It wasn't until the following Monday afternoon, Nov. 2, that I realized why she was the way she was on Halloween. My mama actually collapsed & died from an Alcohol induced heart attack. Unfortunately, when they (the center) called, I already knew that my mama was gone.
I miss my mama so very much, but I have to
understand that, in her condition, she's better off.
Now, she has no more suffering. My selfish side would
love to still have her here, but I have to think of
what is best for her. Now, God may Rest Her Soul.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I
only hope this will help others understand the
seriousness of Alcohol, Disease, or any other Substance Abuse,
before it's too late. Better yet, just don't even
start it. That way, you'll never have to worry about what it can do. Here's a quote to think about. "TO THINE OWN SELF, BE TRUE". |
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This page was originated w/a WebTV Plus, by Tereasa (aka-twf498), in 1999. It started out as a way to express my grief, but soon became my way to honor/remember My Mama.
Last updated, on Oct. 22, 2008.
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